Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
