when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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