Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
