he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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