I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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