That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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