the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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