I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
this hospital has no fireball
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
