He asked to "fluff my boner.."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
