hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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