but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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