I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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