mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
