i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
