We got so high we made milksteak
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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