I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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