Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
