The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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