You really coming over, don't trick.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
