I need help removing her.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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