Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
