I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
