she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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