he wants to bone in the snuggie
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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