The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
