there's paper in my vomit.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
