Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
