Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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