My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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