In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
