I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
