The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
