Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
