i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
