Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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