My room smells like vodka and shame
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i came on her dog
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
