Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
