I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
