First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
