Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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