I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize