I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He shit in the fireplace
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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