Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
