I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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