So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
