I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
