So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
