I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
