You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
