Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize