hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
