I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
