are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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