you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
