Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
