Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
