I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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