I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
