Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
