Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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