Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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