Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just found puke in my bra..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
