just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
